I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
