you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
what day is it and did you see me today?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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