you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
