My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
