I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
