i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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