We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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