I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
