im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
