I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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