I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
