Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
