very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize