I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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