I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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