Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize