my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
do herpes really smell.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
