i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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