Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
