Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
