...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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