Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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