Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
