Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
