I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize