We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
