he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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