remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
