there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
