I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
