May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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