the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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