Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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