Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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