Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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