Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
