You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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