haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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