dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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