You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
