I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
