alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
