Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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