DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
