i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
