Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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