The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
