??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
