For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize