You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
