I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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