who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
