I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize