my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just sucked dick on a ferry
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
