I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
