Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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