2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
