I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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