these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
