Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
