I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
