Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
