I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
