Me too!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
