The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
