nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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