I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Randomize
