I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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