So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
