You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
