If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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