Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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