I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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