i think my tv is drunk
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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