and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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