That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
