one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
