is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize