sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
