Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Houston, we have a blender
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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