I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
