3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
