we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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