I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
