its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
