"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
