This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
