the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
