so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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