After last night, I could never be a politician.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Can you bring me the toilet please
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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