Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
