I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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