im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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